A Wordless Question
by Tomaka
Summary: Nearly a year after the destruction of the Reapers, Kaidan and Shepard manage to take a break from their work and spend some much needed time together.


A short romantic snipped of Kaidan and Shepard's relationship after the war. It was bouncing around in my head for quite a while, so I figured it was time to write it all out. Enjoy!

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Commander Shepard had always been good with words. She could sway opinions and change minds. She could even bring her greatest enemies to their knees with just a few carefully worded sentences.

But take her away from the battlefield or out of her uniform, and she was hardly a wordsmith. She would fumble in social situations and often say things she didn't mean. Matters of emotion could not translate themselves into words, and when she tried she would stammer and flush and clamp her mouth shut. Without a gun in her hand or her omnitool flaring over her arm, Shepard was a sorry, awkward mess. It was like there were two completely different personalities living in the same body; one for the war, the Alliance, the Citadel Council; and one for friends, family, and love.

Shepard never talked about it, but Kaidan knew she hated how bumbling she seemed when she was alone with him. He thought it was endearing, her scowling and grumbling as she tried to put her thoughts and feelings to words. If she did manage to voice what she wanted to say, her words were simple and unsophisticated, but lacked the meaning she intended to express.

Because of this words of love or adoration rarely came to her lips, but Kaidan didn't mind. Shepard relied on actions to say she could not, and he wouldn't have had it any other way. A squeeze of her hand in his, a brush of her lips over his knuckles, the dance of her fingers along the back of his neck, or the lightest of kisses on his mouth. Each motion conveyed far more than a few words ever could.

So when Kaidan wrapped his arm around her waist and tugged her flush to his side and whispered he loved her, he wasn't upset when he didn't hear the words returned. Instead, she leaned into him, grazed the backs of her fingers up his neck to his jaw, and tilted her head up to give him a lingering kiss. When they parted, her eyes were closed with the wisp of a smile playing on her lips, and she sighed as she laid her head on his shoulder. Kaidan wrapped his other arm around her and rested his cheek on her hair, smiling to himself.

"So," he murmured, holding her against him. "Still thinking a vacation was a bad idea?" Shepard moved slightly in a silent chuckle.

"No. You were right." The sun was just starting to set, and the sky was alive with flaring oranges and reds. "This is nice." In the distance specks of white and blue fluttered about; shuttles and ships taking off and landing.

Vancouver had gone from a mega-city, to a massive ruin, to a bustling hive of soldiers and engineers. The Alliance had reclaimed the city as its headquarters after the fall of the Reapers, and the combined efforts of the Citadel races were working furiously to restore it to its previous functionality. Vancouver would never be the glory it once was, but it would be a new type of glory. A survivor's glory.

Kaidan held her as they watched an enormous piece of Reaper bulkhead was lifted from the hulking frame by a small fleet of ships. There were two downed Reapers still half-submerged in the city's harbour, but they were slowly being stripped down and torn apart. Their bodies were being recycled and used to rebuild Vancouver; sheets of thick armour plating were use for new roadways and buildings, while hundreds of miles of wiring were pulled out to be used in a new city-wide power and data network. The gargantuan mass effect cores had been removed months ago and used to repair the mass relays, and to construct new ships and freighters and orbital platforms. The great beings of destruction were giving life back to the planet they had ravaged.

The setting sun sparkled bright pink off the dead Reaper's pock-marked purple hull. Kaidan craned his head back to watch as the two-hundred metre section of bulkhead was lifted up and over their home, heading for a new living complex several miles away.

The vacation was well deserved, and they both knew it. In the year since the end of the war, humanity's two Spectres had been working themselves ragged. Shepard had spent close to three months in a hospital recovering from the Crucible's detonation, and Kaidan had been coordinating recovery and rebuilding efforts onboard the Normandy.

Once she was out of the hospital, Shepard was back into the thick of it; commanding and negotiating fleets of ships as dead Reapers and debris were combed from Earth's orbit and new resources were built and mined. She was an ambassador between all the species still stationed in the Sol system; respected and renowned for her sacrifice, determination, and cunning. Kaidan knew she was uncomfortable working non-combat assignments, but she threw herself into her work and did the best she could.

It had been Kaidan's idea to take a vacation. It was easy to get the leave from Admiral Hackett, though when he had asked for leave time for both Shepard and himself the old man had given him a curious look. The admiral asked no questions regarding their relationship, but Kaidan was sure he knew he and Shepard were lovers. He was very grateful Hackett hadn't made a fuss about it. There were plenty of other things that needed to be worried about.

The tricky part was convincing Shepard to take the time off. She'd adamantly refused the idea as soon as Kaidan had mentioned it to her, saying she needed to do this, that, and everything else. But he was stubborn, and harangued her about it every time he spoke to her. Finally, after several days of his insistence, she'd conceded and agreed to take one week off on the condition that she could choose the location. Kaidan happily accepted, having hoped for two weeks, but gladly settling for one.

He had expected Shepard to choose some place warm and tropical for their vacation; some place far away from the destruction and rebuilding. He liked that she chose Vancouver instead. He suspected that watching the flurry of ships and shuttles helped ease her mind; to show her that the world was just fine even if she wasn't there to protect it. Kaidan had tried asking her about it, but she'd frowned and stumbled through her words and couldn't produce a concise answer, so he'd just left it at that.

"Hackett granted us two weeks. We could stay here a while longer." He murmured into her ear, placing a sweet kiss on her temple. Shepard wrapped her arms loosely around his waist and peered up at him.

"It'd be nice," she said with a little smile. "But I don't think it's a good idea. Garrus is getting antsy without me around." Kaidan laughed at that and nodded. The turian had been left to take Shepard's place during her absence, despite his adamant protests. There were ignored messages on her data pad from him, asking her to hurry up and get back to the Normandy.

"Yeah, I get that. Rain check?" He asked.

"Rain check." She gave him a firm nod, grinning happily.

Only the tip of the sun was left poking above the horizon, and much of the city's activity had died down. They stayed outside until a darkening orange glow hung in the sky and the moon's reflection danced on the water. Around them, the buildings sparked to life with bright white lights. Kaidan could hear the chatter of people talking in the streets, the low racket of doors and windows opening and closing, and the high-pitched whines of cars as they whizzed through the streets. If he closed his eyes and took a deep breath of the salty air, it was almost like the Reapers had never come to Vancouver.

"It's nice." Shepard said quietly, her eyes closed as she listened. Kaidan wondered if she could hear the same things he could, and if they meant the same to her as they did to him.

"Yeah." He breathed.

"Your mother…" She let the subject hang in the air for a moment, as if she were waiting for a reaction from him. "She seemed…happy." She sounded uncertain of the word.

"Mm." Kaidan gave a note of agreement, smiling. "Happiest I've seen her in a while."

They'd visited with his mother earlier in the day and helped her settle into one of the new living complexes built for the survivors and refugees. It was a small apartment, cramped and a bit too warm, but provided Kaidan's mother with the amenities and comforts she needed.

"She still misses my dad," a sombre expression covered his face. "But she's better than she was. I don't think she likes to be alone though."

"No. It's hard being alone." They both understood the feeling well, Kaidan knew. Their duties as Spectres pulled them apart. They rarely got to spend time together, and when they did it was only for a few hours or maybe a day when they were both planet-side or aboard the same ship. He didn't sleep well when she wasn't with him, and considering how Shepard clung to him at night, he didn't think she did much better away from him. "Think she'll be okay?"

"Yeah," Kaidan said the word with a rush of a breath. "She'll be okay. She just needs a bit more time."

"She asked me about kids." Shepard said, furrowing her brow and tugging her lips to one side. Kaidan gave her a surprised but amused look.

"You too, huh?"

"Yep." Her face flushed a soft pink in the glowing city lights. It was a rare sight, to see the great Commander Shepard blush, and Kaidan had taken to cherishing the few times he'd gotten to see her that way.

"And what did you say?" He had never tried broaching the subject himself, but he was curious to hear what Shepard had told his prodding mother. Truth be told, they'd never spoken of children before. Too much work and war to think of such commitments. It was hard to say whether Shepard wanted them or not, and Kaidan was grateful for his mother's boldness to ask.

"I told her she'd probably have to wait a few more years." Kaidan decided he liked that answer. It sounded more like a 'yes' than anything, and the thought made his stomach give a little tickle of excitement. "We work too much as it is. I can't imagine throwing a handful of kids into the mix." His eyebrows shot up.

"A handful?" Shepard's blush deepened a shade and she shrugged, averting her eyes shyly.

"Y'know. Two, three kids. Maybe four."

"That…" Kaidan paused and imagined the two of them racing frantically after a small group of children. "That would be nice." He said with a smile.

"But in a few years. Not now." She added quickly, staring at him with round eyes.

"Sure." He said with an approving nod. "It gives us lots of time to practice."

Shepard frowned. "Practice what?" Kaidan raised his eyebrows in a subtle, suggestive look. "Oh." She smirked slyly once she caught on, and she slipped her arms around his neck and locked him in a languid, affectionate kiss that made cool tingles flutter down his spine.

The moment was interrupted when a loud metallic crash erupted from the street below. Kaidan and Shepard broke from their kiss and exchanged a look before peering over the railing. The street was dark, but an open doorway cast a wedge of yellow light over the road. Two stumbling figures toppled out of their home, knocking over metal bins and crates. They were laughing and clinging to one another, clearly drunk. Music started to beat out from the home, filling the darkness with a quick, exotic rhythm that had the drunken couple bouncing and bopping and singing along. Kaidan had half a mind to yell down and tell them to go back inside, but found himself smiling and even laughing a little as he watched.

Shepard's hand slid into his as the music wafted up over them, and she pulled it up to kiss the tops of his knuckles. Kaidan tore his eyes from the scene below and looked at the woman beside him. The strangers bellowed out their song in mismatched voices and swung each other this way and that, twirling and hopping and shaking their heads to the beat.

She looked at him through the darkness, the last hints of the orange sun finally fading from the sky. She was searching his expression—he could tell by the way her eyes fluttered over his face. Shepard did it when she wanted to say something and was worried about his reaction.

"What's up?" Kaidan asked, his face soft and warm.

"I've been thinking," Shepard said after a few moments of silence. Kaidan watched curiously as she pulled away from him and shoved her hands into her pants pockets, hunching her shoulders. Shepard stared at the ground and pursed her lips in a scowl. Then she let out a heavy breath and looked to the water. "I…" She stopped and her frowned deepened.

One hand slipped out of her pocket and rubbed at her eyes. "You know what?" Kaidan said nothing and gave her a puzzled look, leaning an arm on the railing. "I'm just going to do this without saying anything." She sounded uncertain, hesitant, and nervous.

She reached out and gently grasped his hand, and held it with its palm up between them. Kaidan stood in silence and watched with an intrigued expression. Shepard's other hand appeared out of her pocket and he felt her place something small in his palm. Then she curled his fingers over it and held his hand closed with both of hers.

Slowly, bowing her head, she held his hand in hers and lowered herself to a knee. After a moment, she released his hand but kept her eyes on the ground. Kaidan blinked for a few seconds, confused and a bit stunned. Then he opened his palm and looked at the tiny object Shepard had placed there.

It was a ring, simple and dark against his skin. His brow furrowed, Kaidan picked it up and rotated it between his fingers, looking at it from all angles. It was a thick dark band with irregular lines from where the metal had been folded during its forging. Not until he saw the tiny, sparkling diamond nestled in the centre of the band did he truly understand what it was. It was a darker, sharper, more masculine version of a traditional engagement ring.

Kaidan stared at it for a long few seconds as the realization sunk in. Holding the ring gingerly in one hand, he ran the other through his hair. Then, without thinking about it, he started to laugh. It was a low chuckle that started deep in his chest and gradually increased to a quiet, breathy laugh.

He barely noticed when his feet started to move, too busy staring at the ring and chuckling. An instant later he left the balcony, leaving Shepard still poised on one knee.

Kaidan wasn't even thinking anymore, just moving. Thoughts and emotions he couldn't truly understand flooded his mind, making his head feel like a thick, clouded soup. His feet took him where he needed to go and he happily let them lead him through the dark rooms and hall of his apartment.

After a minute or two, his feet carried him back out onto the balcony. Kaidan was clutching the ring tightly in his palm when he heard Shepard's tiny, whimpering voice.

"Kaidan?" He stopped dead at the trembling panic written over her face, feeling his mind suddenly clear.

She had just proposed. She had proposed and he had laughed and left her there without so much as a word, let alone an answer.

Shepard was staring at him with wide eyes, looking startled and almost frightened. She was still kneeling, though her body had slackened in defeat and regret and she was clutching one hand tightly around the rail to keep herself from keeling over. Guilt washed through him in a heartbreaking wave, but then he let the feeling fade as he finally remembered why he had left her with no answer.

Kaidan smiled and lowered himself to his knees in front of her. Without saying anything, he pulled out the tiny box he'd fetched from his sock drawer and tilted the lid open. He held it wordlessly in front of her, letting his actions do all the speaking. He didn't think his voice could be trusted.

"Oh." She said after a moment, the fear and panic quickly replaced by surprise and awe. She reached out with shaking fingers and lifted the box from his hand and stared at it, slack mouthed. Carefully, she pulled the gold engagement ring from its box and looked at it for a long time, much like Kaidan had when she had offered him his ring. "You had one for me too?" Shepard asked, lifting her eyes to stare widely at him.

Kaidan felt like laughing again, but he forced the urge aside and smiled warmly instead. "Yes." He said gently, setting the ring box aside and grasping one of her hands.

"So…I take it that's a yes?" Her voice was a timid whisper amid the night air.

Kaidan chuckled and touched his forehead to hers for a moment, closing his eyes. "Yes. That's a big yes."

Smiling still, he held her hand and placed his dark metal ring at her finger tips. Shepard gripped it reflexively and looked down when Kaidan offered his left hand to her. It took her a moment, but then she slowly slid the band down his ring finger. When it was in place, he wiggled his fingers and curled his hand into a loose fist to admire the ring on his hand. "I was going to propose tomorrow." He admitted, his smile widening as he touched the metal on his finger. It was cool and hard, and felt all too perfect against his skin.

"You were?" There was so much surprise and innocence in her voice, so different from her normal, calm persona. Kaidan reached out and took the gold engagement ring from her fingers, and held her hand in his as he slipped it on. Shepard's face was bright red and the initial shock was starting to fade with the first sign of a smile on her lips.

"Yeah," Kaidan tugged her hand up and kissed her fingers, half on the ring, half on her battle worn skin. "I was going to take you out for dinner. And we were going to go for a walk down on the waterfront. I'd picked out the spot where I was going to propose and everything." He held her hand against his cheek so she could feel him smiling in the dark.

"I'm...I'm sorry." She said, looking surprised and a little ashamed at having ruined his plans. Kaidan laughed and grinned and kissed her, cupping her face in his hands.

"Don't be. This is perfect." He kissed her again, still grinning. "We're getting married." Then more softly he added, "I love you."

That made Shepard's face light up, all the shock and confusion melting away. Wordlessly she slipped a hand into his hair and devoured him in a kiss so passionate and rich with desire he was left breathless.

A moment's embrace followed the kiss, and then Shepard laughed. Smiling, Kaidan quirked an eyebrow at her. "When you left without saying anything, I thought you were running away." He flushed and looked a bit sheepish, but she kissed him again. "Just about gave me a heart attack."

"Sorry about that." His face felt hot from embarrassment and strained from all his smiling. "What can I do to make it up to you?" Kaidan let the last few words drop into a husky rumble.

He barely caught the impish smile on her lips before Shepard tackled him to the balcony floor with an enthusiastic, excited kiss.

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I hope you liked it!

And in case you're curious, here's what I thought Shepard's ring for Kaidan would look like, only make with darker, rippling metal: .


End file.
